Episode begins at the "Tool Time" Set. Tim and Al are designing a bed for the
"Man's Bedroom." |
| |
Al: | Today we will show you how to build a man's
bed. |
Tim: | We will be using materials that make a man feel all warm
and toasty inside. [Tim picks up a piece of steel, than drops it] Cold, hard
steel. |
Al: | That's right. And we will be cutting that steel with the
Binford 6100 chop saw. |
Tim: | She's a beauty isn't she? 14-inch cut off blade. Now, make
sure your steel is fastened down real securely. Use a smooth pull, makes for a smooth cut.
Now this is the steel we are using for our headboard and frame rails. [Tim prepares to make the
cut] |
Al: | And this is the backup steel for when Tim screws up. [Opens the
cabinet to reveal the backup steel] |
Tim: | Have a little faith Al. [Tim starts up the saw and begins
to make his cut] |
Cut to the "Tool Time" after Tim has finished making his
cut |
Al: | All right, well here are the two equal side rails Tim cut.
[Pulls them apart and reveals that one is much shorter than the other, then cuts to Tim
shaking his head at Al] Luckily, I cut some side rails earlier. |
Tim: | Now we have to weld our flanges to our frame rails. I love welding.
[Tim lights the welding torch] You might say I carry a torch for it. Ha ha ha ha ha
ha. |
Cut to "Tool Time" later. Tim is standing with one foot on the bed
frame. |
Tim: | All right, we have finished our bed frame, now we are
going to attach it to the headboard. |
Al: | And to form our design, we will be using the Binford 6100
bender. |
Tim: | Al, do you suppose you call this a bender because it has been out
partying all weekend long? Party, [Starts dancing] ouh, ouh, ouh. |
Al: | I don't think so Tim. The bender allows us to form our headboard
into any manly pattern that we choose. |
Tim: | Moose, beer mug, jock strap. A moose holding a beer mug,
wearing a jock strap. |
Al: | We've chosen... |
Tim: | Doesn't matter what we've chosen. Let's face it men, no matter
what design we put on the bed, once your wife gets a hold of it, it will look like this...
[Tim points to the bed. It is covered with a bunch of stuffed animals] Men, its time we fight back.
[Picks up a stuffed animal dog off the bed] We've got to de-frill, de-lace, de-froufrou,
de-bedroom. [Starts petting the dog] |
Al: | That's why next time on "Tool Time" we will show you how a man
designs his sleeping quarters, and why it is called... |
Tim & Al: | The master bedroom. |
| |
[Opening credits] |
| |
Cut to the Taylor's house. |
[Mark is at the table reading a magazine.
Jill enters from the front door] |
| |
Jill: | Hi sweetie. |
Mark: | Hi. |
Jill: | When I was at the mall I picked up some shirts for you.
See if you like them. [Jill sets the bag on a chair next to Mark] |
Mark: | I don't like them. |
Jill: | You haven't even looked at them. [Mark gets up and walks to the
bag] |
Mark: | [Pulls out one shirt] Hate it. [Pulls out another shirt]
Hate it. [Pulls out a bra.] Really hate it. [Tim enters from the
garage] |
Tim: | I don't care what anybody says, you're still my
son. |
Jill: | Hi sweetie. |
Mark: | Hi dad. [Mark leaves] |
Tim: | [Smiling] Hi honey. |
Jill: | What is that smile about? [Tim and Jill kiss] Are you
planning something sexy for us tonight, or have you been welding? |
Tim: | I've been welding. [Tim and Jill kiss again. Brad
enters] |
Brad: | Hi Mom. Hey Dad. |
Jill: | Hi sweetie, how was your day? |
Brad: | Unbelievably excellent. |
Tim: | You were welding? |
Brad: | Nope, I got an A on my English
test. |
Tim: | All right! |
Jill: | That's great! |
Brad: | Yeah! [Brad and Jill hug] |
Jill: | I told you, you could do it. |
Tim: | I am really proud of you. See all your hard work pays off.
This is the second A. This is really good news. |
Brad: | Yeah, last year the only A I got stood for
absence. |
Tim: | Yeah. [Randy enters from the side
door] |
Brad: | Hi Randy. |
Randy: | Hey. |
Jill: | Hi Randy, you're a little late? |
Randy: | Yeah, I got kept after school for
detention. |
Tim, Jill & Brad: | You? |
Randy: | Mr. Marino wants to see you guys about it.
[Pulls a note from his pocket and hands it to Jill] |
Tim: | Mr. Marino? |
Jill: | Yeah, he is that science teacher. Remember we met
his at the open house. [Jill reads the note] |
Brad: | What did he say? [Brad tries to read the note
over Jill's shoulder] |
Tim: | None of you business. [Tim pushes Brad
away] |
Randy: | He's also my guidance counselor. He
says I've been goofing off in class. [Walks over to Brad] |
Jill: | Randy, this isn't like you at all,
what's going on? [Jill hands the note to Tim] |
Randy: | Nothing. |
Brad: | Bad answer. I would have gone with,
"It wasn't my fault it was the kid next to me." |
Tim: | That never worked for me. I was the kid next to
me. |
Jill: | Randy, teachers don't give detention for
nothing. |
Randy: | Actually they do. It is a new program,
just started. [Claps, then walks to the refrigerator] |
Tim: | Randy? |
Randy: | Look, what's the big deal? Brad gets
detention all the time. |
Brad: | I am not getting detention anymore! I
just got my second straight A in English "Of Mice and Men." |
Tim: | Ha ha, finally teaching pest control in school.
That's good. |
| |
Cut to Randy's science room at his junior high
school. |
| |
Tim: | All right science class. |
Jill: | Uh...I remember this smell. Formaldehyde and frog
guts. |
Tim: | [Grunting and playing with a skeleton] I love
frog guts, how about you? Yeah, yeah. Would you look at the size of the liver on this guy? [Pulls
the liver off the display] I hope he had a designated driver. |
Jill: | I can't believe you're not more worried about
Randy. |
Tim: | Would you relax? This is the first time we've been
called in. When I was his age, my mom was at school so much, they though she was an
eighth grader with a station wagon. |
Jill: | My parents first got called in seventh grade.
Mrs. Manugene in home ec. She gave me a D in casseroles. |
Tim: | So the problem goes back that far? [Mr. Marino
enters the classroom. Tim tries to put the liver back in the display, however it falls
off] |
Mr. Marino: | Mrs. Taylor. |
Jill: | Oh, oh hi. [Tim picks up the liver and tries
to find a place to hide it from Mr. Marino] |
Mr. Marino: | Good to see you again. |
Jill: | Nice to see you again. [Jill and Mr. Marino shake
hands] |
Mr. Marino: | Mr. Taylor, uh, thanks for coming
in. |
Tim: | I'd say thanks for having us but, uh, that's
probably not what most parents say at this point. |
Mr. Marino: | You would be the first. Please sit down.
[Tim is still trying to hide the liver] |
Jill: | I must admit it; we were a little surprised to
be called in for Randy. He's never been in trouble before. |
Mr. Marino: | Well, we feel the reason Randy is having
problems in class is that he is so bright. He is always ahead of the other
students. |
Tim: | Well, what are we doing here? Shouldn't you be
talking to the parents of the dumb kids? [Jill and Mr. Marino both look at
Tim] |
Mr. Marino: | What's happening is that Randy finishes
his work so quickly that he gets bored and becomes disruptive. |
Jill: | What should we do about it? |
Mr. Marino: | We have a program, where we send a few
of our exceptional students to the high school for certain classes. |
Jill: | Are you saying we should send Randy to a high
school science class? |
Mr. Marino: | And a math class. He's way ahead there
too. |
Jill: | Wow! I hadn't realized he was that
advanced. |
Tim: | Well, it's not that surprising. His dad
skipped intermediate shop and went right to advanced metals. |
Mr. Marino: | Ah, you were a shop prodigy? |
Tim: | Well, let's just say I was metallurgically
well-endowed. |
Mr. Marino: | Excuse me can we get back to
Randy? |
Tim: | Well, all in all, I think it would be
great for Randy. [To Jill] Don't you? |
Jill: | Yeah, but what about Brad? We already have a
son in ninth grade. I am not sure how he is going to react to having his
younger brother move up into the same grade. |
Tim: | Well, he said it was just two classes,
science and math. |
Mr. Marino: | And we would make sure they wouldn't
be in any of the same classes. |
Jill: | Well, obviously this is a big decision.
We should give it a lot of thought. |
Tim: | Yeah, we should. [Pause] Let's do
it. |
Mr. Marino: | You shouldn't make any decisions until
you see how Randy feels. [Gets up from his stool] Talk it over with him and,
uh, give me a call. |
Jill: | O.K., we will. Thank you. [Jill and Tim get up
and head for the door. Tim still has the liver in his hand and is still trying to
hide from Mr. Marino] |
Mr. Marino: | You bet. My pleasure. [Jill leaves
the classroom] |
Tim: | Thanks for your time. |
Mr. Marino: | You bet. My pleasure. After
you. |
Tim: | No, please. [Mr. Marino leaves the room.
Tim goes back to the model and tries again to put the liver back. He starts
walking away, but all the parts fall to the floor. Tim desperately tries to
pick them up and put them back. Jill and Mr. Marino both walk in the back door
and look at Tim] Just asked him one question and he spilled his guts. [Mr. Marino
laughs and leaves the room again. Jill leaves followed by Tim] |
| |
Cut to the Taylor's house. |
[Brad is at the table doing homework. Randy
enters] |
| |
Randy: | I can't believe it. Mom and Dad are still at
that teacher's conference, I'm dead. |
Brad: | As someone who's been through this many
times, can I give you a little advice? |
Randy: | Shoot. |
Brad: | All right, as soon as Mom and Dad walk through
that door, you gotta say "I'm sorry," you know like you really mean
it. |
Randy: | All right, how's this? "I'm sorry" |
Brad: | Nope, not buying it. [Tim and Jill
enter through the front door] |
Jill: | Hi Randy, Hi Brad. |
Tim: | Hey guys. |
Randy: | I'm sorry. [Tries to look like he is really sorry. Jill's
not buying it] |
Jill: | Not buying it. [Randy looks at Brad] It's
O.K. Randy you're not in as much trouble as we thought. |
Randy: | I'm not. |
Tim: | No, your teacher feels that you're goofing off because
you're not being challenged. So they want to move you to high school for two
subjects: science and math. |
Randy: | Really? |
Brad: | He's gonna be in my grade? |
Tim: | Just for two subjects and he won't be in any of
your classes. |
Jill: | Are you O.K. with that? |
Brad: | I don't know? Why should I care? |
Tim: | Hey, that's the spirit. |
Jill: | So uh Randy this is a big decision. I think
you're gonna have to take some time and think about it. |
Randy: | You're right. Let's do it!
[Tim and Randy shake hands. Brad looks jealous] |
Jill: | Randy, these kids are going to be a lot
bigger than you are. |
Randy: | Mom, the kids are always bigger than
me. |
Tim: | You gotta love this guy's spirit.
Always a positive thinker, huh? [Tim and Randy hug] |
Randy: | All right. Ouch. What's in your
pocket? |
Tim: | Oh. Pancreas. [Pull the pancreas from his pocket to
reveal that it is actually a colon] |
Randy: | [Takes the colon from Tim and examines it]
Actually that's, that's a colon. [Jill shakes her head at Tim] Man this is unbelievable.
I think I am in the worst trouble in my life and I am actually going to
high school. I am going to go tell Jeremy. [Randy leaves out the front
door] |
Jill: | Well, I guess it's settled. I am gonna call the school
and see if I can catch Mr. Marino. |
Tim: | If you find him let him know that
a... |
Jill: | Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know, the colon is in the
mail. |
Tim: | [To Brad] Uh, can I talk to you for a
second? [Sits next to Brad] |
Brad: | Sure dad. |
Tim: | If Randy, uh, if Randy makes this move to high school,
I'd really like you to, you know, look out for him make sure people don't push him
around. |
Brad: | I'm sure Randy will do fine. |
Tim: | O.K., all right. [Tim gets up and starts to leave the
room] |
Brad: | You know dad, I had a pretty cool day at school
too. |
Tim: | Yeah, what happened? |
Brad: | I went to classes, had a great lunch,
went to a few more classes and eventually I came home. |
Tim: | So all-in-all we all had a great day.
[Tim pats Brad on the back and leaves the room] |
Brad: | Yeah, real great. |
| |
[Commercial break] |
| |
Cut to the "Tool Time" set. |
[Tim and Al are just about to introduce the Binford 6100 "Man's
Bedroom"] |
| |
Tim: | Welcome ladies and gentleman to the Binford 6100
"Man's Bedroom." [Tim opens the door to the bedroom and walks in. He grabs a remote
control off the wall. Al follows Tim into the bedroom. Tim and Al both start
showing off the bedroom] Yeah, this is no babe's boudoir. |
Al: | No honey's hideaway. |
Tim: | No wench's weighstation. Men you've had lace in your face for far too long. Now it's
time to come home to chrome. |
Al: | That's why we built the "Man's Bedroom." So he feels as comfortable
here as he does in his neighborhood bar. |
Tim: | Is a matter of fact, in the "Man's Bedroom" we have the neighborhood bar.
[Pushes a button on the remote and two doors open to reveal a bar] Well Milton, how's
business? |
Milton: | Slow. What will it be? |
Tim: | Well, a perfect Manhattan for me and a Shirley Temple for Al.
While Milton is mixing up my highball, let's take a look at the carpet, shall
we? |
Al: | Marve, if you want to come in here, we have 100 percent Astroturf.
It's good for Saturday golf and Monday night football. Milton I'm open! [Milton throws a football
from the bar towards Al, however Tim intercepts the ball] |
Tim: | Ha ha. Looks like it's gonna be my day. [Tim points with the football
to a scoreboard above the bar. The scoreboard says Tim 97 Al 0. He pulls a remote control from
his jacket pocket] All right, let's look at the nightstands. On my side, [Pushes a button on the remote
and reveals a grill] A mesquite barbeque grill. [Picks up a fork and checks the food on the grill.] On your
side [Pushes a button on the remote to open the nightstand on the other side of the
bed] |
Al: | You have a phone; place for you beer and a virtual reality system. [Picks
up the virtual reality system and puts it on] |
Tim: | This way when your wife is reading about Fabio, you could be
racing Indy with Mario. [Cut to Al racing on the virtual reality system] In this case guys, a fast
finishing bed is not a bad thing. And if you do make your wife happy she has the little red
button, press this. [Pushes the button and the sign reads applause, and you hear an applause] Thank
you honey I ah, I do what I can. |
Al: | Now, I would like to show everyone my favorite part of the
"Man's Bedroom." The man's closet. [Tim and Al point out the closet] Most men don't like to take the
time to coordinate their clothes. [Tim opens the control panel for the
closet] |
Tim: | But the man's closet all the work is done for you. [Tim pushes a
button and the closet opens] Shirts, ties and pants are on rotating
drums. |
Al: | You just push the button for the appropriate
occasion. |
Tim: | Ah, I am going to my mother-in-law's for dinner and my wife
is nagging me about looking nice, so I push nag one. [Tim pushes the button labeled nag one,
and the drums start to rotate then stop on the appropriate set of clothes. Then the closet
door closes and Tim pulls a lever and the shirt, tie and pants the closet picked out slides
out of the closet] |
Al: | It's a very nice ensemble, Tim. [Tim pulls the lever again and
the clothes slide back into the closet] |
Tim: | Thank you Al. Now let's get to the problem of making that
man's bed. [Tim and Al head over to the bed] |
Al: | That's right. After a man has slept in it, it might look something
like this. [Tim and Al start messing up the bed] |
Tim: | Now, who wants to waste time with hospital corners or fluffing up
sheets? Just press the button and the man's bed becomes...[Tim pushes the button and a pool table slides
out to cover the bed. Tim and Al set up to play a game of pool] |
Al: | The man's pool table. |
Tim: | Of course we're gonna need some cues Al. [Tim pushes a button on
the remote and two cues pop up from holes in the floor. Both Tim and Al catch one of the
cues] |
| |
Cut to the Taylor's house. |
[Brad is at the table and Randy is sitting on the couch. Both are working on
their homework. Jill enters from the front door] |
| |
Jill: | Hi guys. |
Brad: | Hi. |
Randy: | Hey. |
Jill: | O.K. Randy let's hear it. How was your first
day of high school? |
Randy: | Great, expect for the guy who asked me if I
wanted a phone book to sit on. |
Jill: | Did you tell the teacher? |
Randy: | It was the teacher. No but, but it's cool.
He doesn't mind if you call him baldy. |
Jill: | We had a teacher we called baldy. She
minded. |
Randy: | Well, I've finished my math and I
am done with my homework. [Gets up from the couch and heads over to the
table] |
Jill: | Already? Wow, you are doing really
well. |
Brad: | Ah, I am done too. [Sticks his homework into his
book and closes it] |
Jill: | You too? Good for you. I guess I have a couple of
smart guys. Listen I gotta go to the mall. |
Randy: | Can I come with you? |
Jill: | Sure. Ah you want to come Brad? |
Brad: | Ah, no I can't, I have to return a call to
Angela. |
Jill: | O.K., we will see you later. [Jill and Randy leave for
the mall out the front door] |
[Brad sighs, and pulls his unfinished homework out of his
book and starts to finish it. He then crosses something off, the tears the page out of
his notebook and throws it onto the floor] |
| |
Cut to the backyard. |
[Tim is replacing a light bulb and Wilson is preparing his skis
for the biathlon] |
| |
Tim: | Hey Wilson. |
Wilson: | Well, hi ho Tim. |
Tim: | You going skiing? |
Wilson: | Umhm. I don't know if I told you, I am a
biathlete. |
Tim: | Hey, whatever you do behind closed doors is your
business. |
Wilson: | Well, actually we do it outside. |
Tim: | [Grunting] Huuu? |
Wilson: | You see Tim the biathlon is a combination of
cross-country skiing and target shooting. I would have invited you along but I
figured you were quite busy. |
Tim: | Oh, has it ever been a busy week. Brad is becoming
a really good student. Randy is so exceptional they are moving him up two
classes... |
Wilson: | Wow! |
Tim: | And more importantly, I built a really cool
"Man's Bedroom." [Jill enters from the house] |
Jill: | Hey Wilson. |
Wilson: | Neighborette! |
Jill: | Tim, I just got a call from the school about
Brad. |
Tim: | Another A? |
Jill: | No. They say he flunked his last two tests
and he hasn't been turning in his homework. |
Tim: | What's that all about? He has been doing so
well. |
Jill: | Well, you know what's going on don't
you? |
Tim: | Well it doesn't take a genius to figure it out, no.
He can't concentrate because all the other kids are asking him about the
"Man's Bedroom." [Jill and Wilson look at Tim] Well, what's your
theory? |
Jill: | Brad's problems began when Randy started going to
the same school. |
Wilson: | See I would tend to concur with Jill's
theory. |
Jill: | He's been working so hard and then Randy just
swoops in and out shines him. It's awful. Brad was starting to feel so good about
himself. |
Tim: | I don't want him competing with Randy and
getting discouraged. |
Jill: | Well, what are we going to do? |
Wilson: | Well, maybe you can remind Brad of the famous
Hindustan proverb. True nobility lies not in being superior to another man, but in
being superior to one's previous self. |
Tim: | Oh yeah! |
Jill: | Oh, that's perfect. |
Tim: | Like it! Where do you keep coming up with these
things? |
Wilson: | Oh neighbor, neighbor, neighbor, I've spent my entire
life studying the wisdom of intelligent thinkers and philosophers. However, this one I
read in a fortune cookie. |
Jill: | Well thanks. |
Wilson: | Hmm |
Tim: | See ya later. [Tim and Jill head
inside] |
| |
Cut to the living room. |
[Brad is sitting at the counter eating something. Tim and Jill enter from the
backyard] |
| |
Jill: | Brad, we got a call from your
school. |
Brad: | You did? |
Tim: | The say you're not turning in you homework, and
your grades have been slipping. |
Brad: | So things are back to normal. |
Tim: | What are you talking about? Up until last week you
were having the best year ever. |
Jill: | Brad, does this have anything to do with Randy
going to your school? |
Brad: | No! |
Tim: | Does this have anything to do with the "Man's
Bedroom?" [Jill looks at Tim like he is crazy] |
Jill: | Brad there's got to be some reason that you stopped
trying. You were becoming such a good student. |
Brad: | Randy's the good student. |
Tim: | You're both good students, Brad. |
Brad: | He finishes his homework before I can even put
my name on mine. |
Jill: | This is not about who finishes first. It's about
getting the work done and absorbing what you've learned. |
Brad: | Yeah, he is better at that too. [Brad gets up from
the counter and goes over to the couch] Everything comes easier to
him. |
Jill: | [Tim and Jill both follow Brad over to the couch] Honey,
you shouldn't compare yourself to Randy or anybody else. |
Tim: | That's right. Um, this famous man Hindu Stan, he
never compared himself to his brother Hindu Bob. |
Jill: | Hindu Bob? Look. [Jill tries to regain her
thoughts] Honey, you should take pride in how hard
you've worked, and how much you've improved. |
Brad: | School's hard for me, Mom. |
Jill: | I know. Brad, your best quality has always been that
you don't give up when things get difficult. I remember when you were a baby, and you
first started eating solid food, the spoon never got anywhere near your mouth, you had
applesauce all over your hair... |
Tim: | Peas in your nose. Which wasn't very attractive because
you sneezed a lot then. [Imitates a sneeze] |
Jill: | Yeah. |
Tim: | Yeah. |
Jill: | But the important thing is that you wouldn't let us
help you. You had to do it until you could do it yourself. Or when you first started
learning how to ride a bike. |
Tim: | Remember that bike I built you? |
Jill: | Yeah, but... |
Tim: | The stingray, the small chassis thing, we did the metal plate
paint job on that. It, it, it had a banana seat on it, we had a heated seat in that, we had a
coil through that...[Jill covers Tim's mouth with her hand] |
Jill: | The point that your father will eventually get to is that no
matter how many times you fell, you wouldn't let us hold onto the bike. You were determined to
do it yourself. |
Brad: | I'm a genius. I taught myself how to eat and ride a
bike. |
Jill: | You also taught yourself how to get A's in school. And you
were very proud of yourself about that, weren't you? |
Brad: | Yeah, but I had to bust my butt. |
Tim: | Hey, when I was in school English was my worst
subject... |
Jill: | I thought it was history. |
Tim: | Well, well history and English... |
Jill: | What about Spanish? |
Tim: | Put an elcorko in it senõrita, all right.
[Brad laughs] The worst part of English to me was creative writing, where I had to, to
express all these great ideas I had. And it was really hard to me, but I worked at it and
worked it out, and I got better grades and I felt great because of
that. |
Brad: | Yeah, I gotta admit, getting those A's felt pretty
good. |
Jill: | The greatest accomplishments in your life are going to
be the things you really have to work hard for. |
Brad: | I guess you're right. |
Tim: | Of course she's right. Look at me, I was finally able to express
my ideas and one of them eventually became the "Man's Bedroom." [Jill and Brad smile and shake their
heads] |
| |
CREDITS |
| |
Cut to the Taylor house. |
[Tim and Jill are sitting together on the couch. Randy enters from the
backyard] |
| |
Randy: | Hey. [Walks over to the couch where Tim and
Jill are sitting] |
Tim: | Hey Randy. |
Randy: | Could, ah, one of you pick me up after school
tomorrow? |
Jill: | Yeah. High school or junior high
school? |
Randy: | Junior high school but then, ah, you have to
take me to the high school. |
Jill: | Extra curricular activity? |
Randy: | Un hu, detention. [Both Tim and Jill look at
Randy] |
Jill: | You're getting detention in high school
now? |
Randy: | It wasn't my fault. |
Tim: | Well, who's fault was it? |
Randy: | Look, I was trying to concentrate on my work and all
these kids kept on bugging me about the "Man's Bedroom." [Jill looks away from Randy not
believing it. Tim is falling for it] |
Tim: | Really? |
Randy: | In your dreams, Pop. [Randy
leaves] |
| |
THE END |